I think my love story should be a book, a movie, a mini-series. Ever since August when it was announced over the air (I’m a 92Q radio personality) that I was pregnant and engaged, people have been asking me to explain it all. I never know where to start. How do you explain 24 years in a few minutes? The short version is that at 37, my first (everything) is going to be my third husband and the father of my third child. The really unbelievable thing is that this marriage, to my first, will be the first time that I am truly at peace with being a wife, and while I love both my daughter and my son dearly, this will also be the first time that I am carrying a child by a man that I love; not just love, but respect, admire and adore. But there’s so much more to the story than that.
    Greg and I met when I was 14. I wasn’t interested in dating at the time. Even at that age, I didn’t have the best experiences with guys (I was attacked on the streets of New York that year), but there was something about Greg that disarmed me. He was 17, and while that is a big age gap for teenagers, he didn’t pressure me, a virgin at the time, into doing anything. We just liked being around each other. He made me happy to be myself while I was around him. And, he made me laugh. I think that those two things are really important. If you find someone who can affect you in those ways, and you love them, don’t take it lightly. You’re on to something.
    On my 16th birthday, he proposed and I accepted. It was then that I gave him my virginity, and to this day, I still recall it as a beautiful experience. From that point, it was like our relationship went from “boyfriend” to “husband” virtually overnight. We were inseparable. Then, one day, he came home to announce to me and his mother that he had enlisted the Army. After basic training, they stationed him in Italy. I felt abandoned, but I purposed in my mind to try and make it work.
    A year into a long distance relationship, he called to tell me that he didn’t think it was fair for me to wait for him and that he wanted me to start dating other men. That broke my heart. There was already so much between us by that time; not just a first love and engagement, but by then, I had also experienced two miscarriages. Looking back, that was a lot, perhaps more than any young woman should deal with. At the time, though, all I knew was that I loved him, and I wanted us to be together. When I said I would marry him, in my mind that meant forever, and forever started now.
    At his prompting, I started dating other guys. Although we were now in what would be considered an “open relationship,” still I always wore my ring. At 17, I experienced both a rape and an abortion from a drug dealer that I dated. Why was I with someone like that? I thought I could change him. (You can never change a man.) There were some good memories at that time, too, though. My senior year in high school, I recorded my first album. It was a big hit in Europe, where Greg was stationed. His friends were messing with his ego asking him, “What would she want with you now?” I don’t think it sat well with him because even though we were both seeing other people, we were also still seeing each other, too. Soon he began to pull away. Still, I wore my ring.
    By this time, I was meeting a lot more people, especially people in the R&B/hip-hop industry, but there’s something special, scary almost, about your first love. It’s really hard, almost impossible, to shake. When Greg came back home in early July of 1989, we planned on marrying that following week. But at 19, I was still dealing with so much baggage from my past that while I loved him, I wasn’t at a place where I could fully trust him. We called it off, and I returned his ring.
    After a few months, I started dating again, and within a month, I was pregnant (While being on the pill and using condoms, mind you. There really is no such thing as “safe sex.”), this time by my daughter’s father. By that time, I had experienced another abortion (by another guy), and so for me, termination was not an option. But even as I walked down the aisle, I thought to myself, “This is not the life that I planned.”
    Even while I was married, Greg and I communicated. Envisioning my life without him in it was never really an option. When my marriage ended in 1993, at that same time, Greg received the news that he was going to be a father to his only child, and he got married. I tried to respect his decision to move on with his life, but emotionally, I still felt attached, tied, bound. How could I ever fully let him go? I didn’t have any answers, but I surrendered to the fact that if it was really meant to be, it would be.     So, I tried to move on with my life, too.
    Four years later, I married my son’s father, but it quickly hit the rocks due to infidelity (on his part). I decided I wanted to do something new with my life, so I went to New York to audition for MTV’s “Who Wants to Be a VJ?” contest. I saw Greg while I was there. He was divorced, and so, as had become customary with us, we decided to try yet again. I didn’t get the job, but it wasn’t long before I realized that I was there for a greater purpose. Greg found a lump in his chest, just above his heart. Weeks later, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease.
    Circumstances continued to reveal that it wasn’t the right time for us, but again, our love proved that these things wouldn’t keep us totally apart. We spent a lot of time on the phone crying, talking and reflecting while he was going through chemo. Ironically, when he went into remission in 2000, it proved to be one of the most difficult times in our lives, individually and as two people who cared so much for one another.
    Following his chemotherapy, it wasn’t long before Greg met a woman and married her. She was a single mother with three of her own children, but did not have the ability to have any more. Greg was told that he was infertile due to his cancer treatments, so he believed they could blend their families without producing any more. It wasn’t long before he felt more like her financial security blanket than her love covering. Still, determined to try and make it work (even in spite of his lingering feelings for me), he stayed, hoping that the love would grow.
    I didn’t hear from him again until 2006. I had just moved to Nashville, and he called me out of the blue to say that he had rededicated his life and he was going through the process of listing regrets. I was the only thing on the list. I, too, was on the path of spiritual renewal at that time, so while we both knew that we couldn’t be together, it felt good that we could have some sense of peace and harmony between us.
    Then, in May, 2008, seemingly out of nowhere, I had a prolific dream about him. Since I no longer had a working number for him, I decided to send an email to see if all was well. I included my number within the message. Ironically, on the same day, I noticed that he sent me a MySpace message months before on an account I only rarely checked. Finally, a week later, on Memorial Day weekend, he called.
    When I told him about my dream, he said it was probably because he had been separated and the marriage was ending. He had done all that he could do. That day, he made an 11-hour drive from Maryland to Nashville, and we talked all day and all night. Even with all that we knew about each other, I think that was the most naked we had ever been. We talked about the past, our present and our hopes for the future — and how, once again, we both hoped that would include us ... as a couple. The only real obstacle would be not being able to have children. I didn’t care, though. I just knew that I wanted him.
    July 2, 2008, we decided to take all of our children to his parents’ home for a mini-vacation. One of the greatest gifts (and surprises) of my life was that his mother had kept my original engagement ring after all these years! That day, I got my ring back ... the ring he gave me when I was 16 years old! A few weeks later, when I saw the positive sign on my pregnancy test, I said to myself — ecstatically, I might add — “I knew it!” Our child, our love child, is due April 1, 2009.
    So, why am I sharing all of this with you? What is the moral to this saga? There are a few. One, as a radio personality, people should know that those who live their lives in the limelight are the same as anyone else. The only difference is that more people know our names (which is why a lot of us have a harder time sharing our real behind-the-scenes stories ... more people know us to talk about it). Two, I know there are certain parts of this that may seem crazy. You may even be tempted to judge, but we all make mistakes, we all do things that we are not proud of, we all do things that people may want to hold over our heads. The point is to learn from them, heal and move on so that you can get to your happiness. Never allow someone to make you think that you are not deserving of happiness and love, no matter what. Three, you have to learn how to be totally honest and accepting of yourself and with those who love you. The only way to know you is to really see you. The only way to see you is to be real with yourself — the good, the bad and the ugly. And finally, do what’s best for you in spite of the opinions of others.
    At 37, as a radio personality in Nashville and a Christian, I am pregnant and not married, but I believe in my heart that this child is a blessing from God, and being with Greg is the right thing to do. It’s a different path from the typical, but I know that God has his hand in it. Greg was not even supposed to be able to have children and now, here I am, carrying life by the love of my life. No one can take that sense of pure joy and completion from me. I’m in love and not ashamed. Love, even when it’s not picture perfect, even when it takes years to manifest, even with mistakes and regrets along the way, is always a beautiful and miraculous thing.