By the Numbers

Her Nashville is celebrating its first anniversary. One year of publishing — congratulations! We all celebrate milestones, but sometimes milestones, especially when we equate success with numbers, can distract us from more important things and even hurt those around us.
    I recently listened to a crime victim talk about her son’s murder. She recounted how meeting people often gives way to seemingly harmless questions like, “How many children do you have?”  She wonders if she should answer “two,” acknowledging her son’s death, or “three,” including her lost son, shot down in a mall parking lot. When asked about her children’s ages, should his age be his age when he was killed or the age he would be today, if he were alive?
    A friend told me about going to her sister’s 25th wedding anniversary party. The gathering reminded her that her own marriage ended in divorce after 14 years, making her feel inadequate. Even if she remarried, she might not live long enough to celebrate a 25th anniversary.
   And how many women stay in abusive relationships? How many say to themselves, “I know he’ll change if I give him one more chance, one more week, one more round of forgiveness if he promises it won’t happen again.”?
    Maybe achievement isn’t best evaluated with math. Maybe instead of asking, “How many years have I been married?”, the more important question should be, “Are we faithfully witnessing each others’ lives? Are we finding joy in each other’s company and supporting each other’s dreams?” 
Meanwhile, instead of measuring success at work by the amount of money you’ve earned or the square footage of your office — with or without windows — maybe you should gauge your worth by how well you’ve treated your co-workers.
    So, instead of celebrating one year of publishing, we remember how Her Nashville has marked the contributions that women are making in our community.  We look at how Her Nashville has reminded us to reach out to our sisters in need.  We reflect on how Her Nashville has helped us strive for professional advancement, spiritual growth or a healthy, new lifestyle.
    Recently, while I was working on a website shared by community foundations, someone suggested that we introduce ourselves “by the numbers.” They recommended that we describe ourselves in terms of the size of our assets, the number of full-time staff we have and the amount of last year’s budget.  It seems that we always get around to these facts, but I’m not sure that such figures adequately tell the story of how community foundations provide leadership, encourage generosity and make their communities better places to live.  Nevertheless, we launched our web pages with the story of these very real successes untold.
    Women don’t need manufactured measurements to mark life’s accomplishments. Instead we can listen to each other’s stories, celebrating life’s challenges and opportunities and remember that our sisters are more than numbers.