Lady Bugged: A "Her Men.Tality" Rebuttal
In response to Her.Mentality in the October issue, Hope and Sage submitted their opinions on writer Robin Banks' advice for women. Read Banks' original column here.
From Hope and Sage:
RESPONSE TO QUESTION #1: The worst thing that you can do is not give your lover an ultimatum. Are you a mouse or a maiden? A healthy relationship is working out your problems together. We’re not talking manipulation, we’re talking … communication!
Yes, something good can come from asking him to face a decision, especially after years of dating. If he refrains from a commitment, then you know you are wasting your time.
Be courageous; open the door to a better future, whether it will be with or without him.
1. Since when does honesty qualify as provocative? If you don’t speak up now, you will be on his lead for all eternity…or at least until you can break loose, bolt and find someone who cares about you.
2. Are you pregnant with a shotgun-toting relative hovering nearby? We thought not. Come on, he needs to take responsibility for his actions and not blame you.
3. The door … is always there. It’s about choice, communication, and responsibility. And maybe he just went out to get a nice bottle of wine or a piece of jewelry for the love of his life.
RESPONSE TO QUESTION #2: We need to ask you some questions regarding the hockey ticket issue. Does the “everyone else in his life” include any unattached, unrelated women? Or mainly his guy friends, relatives, etc? Did he ever ask you if you like hockey, or other sports events? Have you expressed an interest in or a dislike for the sport? Are there other things that the two of you do together? We know it seems redundant…but again, communicate!
The adage that a man won’t share everything with a woman is downright as cold as an icy hockey rink. Just ask him sweetly if you really want to go. He probably thinks you aren’t interested. Or just as graciously let him have his season to himself. Find another fun activity to do on those nights while he watches the puffy-garbed players push the puck, even if it’s just watching a movie at home with your feet up. We all need time to ourselves (we do agree with “men.talist” on this point, but not so brutally … )
RESPONSE TO QUESTION #3: We say: birds of a feather flock together, so chances are, you are as attractive as your friends are! Ask yourself, did he compliment you before you got married? Some men may feel the ultimate compliment is that they married you.
Flattering remarks to your friends give him an ego boost. (“I’ve still got it … the ladies smile and enjoy my attention.”) If that’s where it ends, that’s great.
Again, the key word is communication! Tell him that you would love a compliment occasionally. We agree with “men.tality” on this point. You can express yourself by example…compliment him when he least expects it! Do your best hair and makeup, and dress to flatter your figure (get expert advice!) And if you still feel insecure, meet your girlfriends for lunch and pamper yourself.
Let him miss you a little, we know he will.
Author bios: Sage is married and believes in the powerful healing force of the positive, and Hope, who was married, believes that relationships — like wine — take time and give you a headache.
When a car wreck punctured Ruby Howell’s lung in 2005, she turned into her own doctor. Ruby doesn’t have a medical degree, but she does have a ton of sass. In fact, when she made an appointment with her general practitioner, Dr.
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