Q: I’ve been dating the same man for two years, but he still hasn’t asked me to marry him. Should I give him the ultimatum? Why or why not?

A: The worst thing that you can do is give a man an ultimatum. An ultimatum, to a man, is no more than an advanced look at your ability to resolve conflict and issues within your relationship. Our next question becomes, “What will she do the next time that we disagree or that she doesn’t get her way?”
Besides, nothing good can really come from it. Aside from the seemingly small percentage of marriages that start off this way and actually work long-term, I see the possible outcomes to an ultimatum as one of three options:
 
1. It works out in your favor and he marries you based on provocation, which will come back to bite you later because every time you have an argument you will wonder if this will be the time that he realizes that he was forced into this decision. And yes, ultimatum and provocation are the same thing. No one likes to be provoked into a decision.

2. He’s not ready and he marries you just to please you. He cheats later because he wasn’t ready and then blames you for pushing him into marriage.

3. He leaves.

Bottom line? You can’t force “ready.”

 
Q: Hockey season is coming, and my boyfriend has season tickets. He’s invited everyone else in his life to a game, but he still hasn’t asked me to any. Why? What should I do?

A: This may be a tough one to swallow, but no man will ever share everything with his woman (nor should he). He’s not being underhanded or sneaky, but he needs to feel that he has something that’s just for him. Besides, you never mentioned that you had any attraction to hockey or that you are even a fan. Seems to me like you just want to go because he hasn’t asked you, not because you’re interested in hockey ... not a good reason. There are certain battles that a man is willing to wage, even if it costs him later. This is one of them.
Do not be mistaken; you shouldn’t share everything with your boyfriend, either. That doesn’t mean you should be underhanded or sneaky, but you need a place to retreat also ... a place of refuge that is just for you. Hockey may be his. Instead of feeling alienated because he didn’t include you in this particular activity, use that energy to find your own “hockey”.
 

Q: My husband always compliments my friends when they come over the house, but he never compliments me. What’s up with that?
 
A: Chances are he’s checked out your friends. He has probably never approached them, and he may never, but he still might look. If you are the type of woman who expects her man to live the rest of his days with blinders on and never find another woman attractive but you, then you should make a big deal out of this. When you do that, you set the precedent on how you want him to view — or not view — other women. However, there is a catch: women become off-limits to such a level that they become forbidden fruit. And you remember what happened with the apple in the Garden of Eden?
    Have you ever heard your friend compliment your husband uninvited and out-of-the-blue? This may be a sign that you need to have a conversation with her. Again, this must be delicately addressed, otherwise it can appear that you are being overprotective and unreasonable, and it could end up causing jealousy issues between you and your friend, especially if she’s single.
    The best thing that you can do is kindly bring it to his attention. Pick a time when this is the farthest thing from his mind. Let him know what you have noticed, how it makes you feel and how he could pay more attention to you in the same way. Then comes the most important part: give him the time to change. Too often we expect each other to change automatically. Remember, behavior isn’t learned overnight, so don’t expect it to change overnight.