Father (-in-law), May I?
How often do brides think about the effort, expense, and nerves that their future husbands put into popping the question? And for the truly Southern, can you imagine being the guy and having to ask your (hopefully) future bride’s father for permission to propose? Oy! It’s enough to send you running for the Mason Dixon Line! It does happen, though ... this rite of passage, the “ask for permission” thing, which got me thinking: What is that whole exchange really like? Here we have a side-by-side comparison of how two men say it went down. Can you spot the differences? — Ashley Haugen
Ed's Side of the Story
Thinking back to when Brandon asked me if he could marry my daughter, Katie, I honestly cannot remember the restaurant where we met. I do remember the day when he called to ask me to lunch, though. It was late afternoon a day or two after my birthday in November. Brandon called me on my cell phone. I really don’t think he had ever called me on my business phone; usually he would call us at home.
Brandon sounded more professional on the phone than nervous, so at first I thought he wanted business-related advice. When I got home that night, I told my wife, Patty, that I was meeting Brandon for lunch the next day. That got us thinking, and we figured he was going to ask me if he could marry Katie.
The next day, I got to the restaurant a little early. I still can’t remember which one. I went on and got a table in the middle of the restaurant and ordered a Diet Coke. A few minutes went by before Brandon arrived. He came right in and sat down, and the waiter came over and took our orders. I think Brandon had some kind of chicken sandwich; I had a grilled chicken salad.
We ate lunch and talked about his work and my work; I don’t even remember talking about Katie at all. The waiter came for the last time, and I asked for the bill. It was at this time that Brandon seemed nervous and started talking fast, and then all of a sudden he pulled out the ring box to show me the engagement ring. To anyone in the restaurant, it might have looked like Brandon was giving ME the ring. (In this day and time, who knows what goes on!) He finally asked me for permission to marry Katie. I looked at the ring, gave the box back, and told him that Patty and I would be very happy to have him as Katie’s husband. He put the ring back in his pocket and smiled. I think he knew my answer would be what he wanted, and he was really relieved after he finally asked me. For a while I thought he might not ask me until we were getting in our cars and leaving, but he came through during lunch. And guess who ended up paying for lunch?
Things were a little different when I ask Patty to marry me. I was 18, and Patty was 19. We dated all through high school, broke up Patty’s freshman year of college, and started dating the next spring, during my freshman year. We talked about getting married the next summer, but I needed a ring. Since I really didn’t have any extra money, I had to talk to my dad. We were tuning up my car, and when Mom went inside (finally!), I told Dad that I was going to ask Patty to marry me and that I needed a ring. He said that he was not surprised. He also told me that his mother (my grandmother) had an engagement ring she was saving for me. The only catch was that I had to ask her for it. Wasting no time and figuring that putting off asking Granny for the ring would not make it any easier, I went to her house as soon as Dad and I finished working on my car. When I got to Granny’s apartment, I wasted no time telling her Patty and I were getting married and that Dad said she might have an engagement ring I could have. She immediately informed me that my Dad waited until he was 25 to get married. My response was that I was not my father. I guess that worked because she went back in her bedroom and brought me the ring.
I don’t know if I ever officially asked Patty’s dad for her hand in marriage, but I know I had talked with both her mother and father and told them that when Patty and I got back together, I was going to marry her. I had known her parents for six years, and we got along pretty good. That spring, right after Tennessee Tech’s spring break, I proposed to Patty. We planned to marry the next summer. All of a sudden we realized we had extra time off at Christmas, so we got married later that year: December 15, 1973.
As luck (very good luck!) would have it, both of my daughters were married the same year. My oldest, Jennie, was married in August of 2003, and then Katie two months later in October of 2003. I wrote a check for the same amount to each daughter to plan their weddings, and told them that I would be at both weddings, but don’t ask for more money. Everything worked out really well. Two successful weddings for my daughters and almost a year to figure out what we had to do for our oldest son’s wedding the next summer!
Ed Stevens has been married for 36 years to the same wonderful lady, and he has five children (three girls and two boys) and four grandchildren (two girls and two boys). An engineer and general contractor for Tri-Star Services, LLC, he loves to play golf.
Brandon's Side of the Story
Katie and I had been dating for about three weeks when a friend came up to me and said, “Man, you’re going to marry that girl.” I would say it was about three to four months into it that I realized he was right, at least for me. From our very first date, we spent every waking moment together. Katie was just fun to be around, and I didn’t have to pretend to be anything I wasn’t. I loved everything about her, and it was just easy. Not to mention she was hot!
After I decided she was the one, and we had talked about it some, we went to Gadsden, Ala., to see a friend. While we were there we went into a jewelry store, and Katie picked out a ring she liked. A few months later I called the jeweler, and we met here in Nashville. I picked out a ring, and he was going to start making it. That was a Friday. On Monday morning I called him and told him to stop, that I wanted to make some changes. The next Saturday I told Katie I was going to play golf but instead drove down to Gadsden with my friend Brian and redesigned the ring.
When I finally got the ring, I decided to call Katie’s dad and ask him to lunch. This was something I had never done before. I was very nervous. We agreed to go to lunch at Rafferty’s in Cool Springs. I was working down there at the time, so he came to my work that day to pick me up. I was a nervous wreck all morning. He got there and had to wait about 15 minutes for me to finish up so we could go. I was sweating bullets the whole time. Finally we went to lunch, and I told myself I was going to just ask as soon as we got there so I could enjoy my lunch. But that’s not what happened. We got there, ordered the food, it came, and we had a bunch of small talk about different things. We ate, talked some more, finished eating, and they brought the check. There was still no mention of marriage. I have never been so nervous eating a burger and fries.
After the check had been paid (Katie’s dad paid!), I finally got the nerve and said, “OK, here is the real reason I asked you to lunch.” I asked him if I could marry Katie, and he said OK. After he gave me the thumbs up, I took the ring out of my pocket and showed it to him from across the table. I can only imagine what it looked like to some of the other people there! It was a good day for me. He said I could marry his daughter AND I got a free lunch. It was definitely a day I’ll never forget. I think he knew why I wanted to go eat because even though I have wonderful in-laws, asking him if just the two of us can go to lunch was a little out of the ordinary.
In the end, it was a great feeling to get that sense of approval from her parents, and I will teach my boys to do the same when they decide to get engaged. I am definitely glad I did it, although sometimes I think I was more nervous asking her dad for permission than I was asking her to marry me. Luckily they both said yes, I walked away feeling a great sense of relief that I had gotten his approval, and her parents were as excited about us getting engaged as I was. At least I think they were!
Brandon Waymire is happily married to his bride, Katie, with her dad’s permission of course. He’s a dad to two boys and owns The A-Team of Contractors. Reach him at brandon@ateamofcontractors.com.
