Prepare yourself, ladies. The latest look for Spring 2009 is leaving very little to the imagination. But it’s not your skin you’ll be showing off.

It’s your bones.

Yes, from Christian LaCroix to Givenchy, skeleton chic is all the rage on the runway right now. Ribcages, pelvic bones and spines are imprinted on dresses and blouses and influencing the cut and detail of the newest haute couture fashions.

Of course, as your “Beauty, Uncensored” correspondent, I felt compelled to test this trend out for myself before it makes its way to the clearance rack at Off 5th. But since I don’t have access to Alexander McQueen’s workroom, I had to get creative and order my own bone-inspired creations online.

As I searched for appropriate skeletal attire I happened across this website, which sells jewelry made of actual human bones. No, I’m not kidding. Actual. Human. Bones. And some of the pieces are actually quite reasonable; a necklace featuring a single metacarpal (that’s hand for you non-”Grey’s Anatomy” watchers) bone on a sterling chain is going for just $35!

But while I go to great lengths to make my readers happy, the thought of wearing someone’s hand bone around my neck was too difficult for me to stomach. Besides, there was the likelihood that the dude this bone belonged to would start haunting me, which would be very inconvenient considering my busy schedule. I mean, the last thing I need is some spooky voice moaning, “Wherrre’s my hannnnnd bone? Give meeee back myyy hannnnnd bone,” in my ear at two in the morning.

Then there’s the whole issue of where these bones came from, and whether it’s ethical to use human remains as fashion accessories. I imagined taking a stand against it by running provocative ads in the newspaper featuring the slogan, “I’d rather go naked than wear humans,” but in the end, I just kept surfing.

It wasn’t long before I found something a bit more palatable: a charcoal gray jersey shirt with a full ribcage and pelvic bone printed on the front. It looked remarkably similar to a dress designed by Jean-Charles de Castelbajac, but cost only $30. Score! I ordered the shirt.

Once it arrived, I opted to try the look at my 4-year-old daughter’s ballet recital, wearing my bones shirt with a black turtleneck, black skirt and opaque black tights. According to the runway pictures, I needed stark, slicked back hair and nude lips to complete the look, so I put my hair in a severe ponytail and coated my lips with a little foundation mixed with chapstick. Then I went to wake up my toddler son from his nap so that we could leave.

As I entered the room, he stood up in his crib and stared at me. His lower lip began to tremble. He burst into tears. Disappointed, I sighed. It appeared that my son had not inherited my knack for fashion.
My 4-year-old daughter entered the room.

“What’s wrong with your hair, Mommy?” she asked. I turned and modeled my new look, slouching and simpering like an overpaid supermodel.

“It’s the latest fashion,” I said. “Do you like it?”

“Well, it looks like you’re a skeleton or something,” she said. “And I don’t like that frown on your face.”

I turned my frown upside down.

“That’s better,” she said, clearly relieved.

Once we arrived at the recital, I noticed a lot of double takes and dubious stares. Whatever, I thought to myself. Six months from now, they’d all be wearing bones, too, and I’d have the satisfaction of knowing I was first.

My husband arrived and grimaced.

“It’s bone day, huh?” he asked.

“Yep,” I said. “What do you think?”

He snorted and then, though he later denied it, the man actually scooted away from me in his chair. I felt comforted by the alternadad across the room, who kept sneaking appreciative looks at my bones. Glancing down at my silkscreened ribcage, I smiled to myself. I did have great bone structure; that much was plainly evident, even if my own husband couldn’t appreciate it.

“What do you think of my new look?” I asked my mom friend Michelle, after the recital was over.

“Well, it’s uh, certainly a departure from your usual look,” she stammered, trying to be nice.

“It’s for a beauty column,” I admitted. She laughed.

“At first, I thought it was a Halloween costume,” she said.

“Just wait,” I told her. Soon, you’ll see nothing but bones out there.”

“Hmm,” she said uncertainly. Somehow, I got the impression she wasn’t planning on making the look her own.

Based on my experience, I have to wonder if Nashville is ready for the bone trend. It’s difficult for me to imagine a hand painted sternum on one of the costly evening gowns at the Swan Ball, nor can I picture any of our country music celebrities rocking images of their vertebrae around town.

That would all change of course, if a designer were to come out with shirts and dresses featuring sequined ribcages. If that happens, those flashy bones will almost certainly become all the rage here in Music City …

Anyway, there you have it, ladies: skeleton chic, uncensored. What do you think?