Beauty, Uncensored: The Best of the Worst of 2008

It’s the end of another year — time to take a look back at some of the most ridiculous trends we spent our hard-earned dollars on in 2008. I’m willing to bet every one of you has at least one of these items in your closet. I know I do, as much as it pains me to admit it. So let’s dive right in and expose the best of the worst.

First on my list is the trend that just won’t die:  skinny jeans. Skinny jeans don’t look good on anyone except 90-pound teenagers, and even then they really need to be paired with a modest, loose-fitting top or jacket in order to really work. Fortunately, most of us long ago determined that skinny jeans were not and would never be flattering to our figures, yet the stores continue selling them and the celebrities continue wearing them. And even the celebrities look really, really bad. Witness Katie Holmes in hers just the other day. I wonder how many assistants had to help peel those things off at the end of the day?

See? Only 90-pound teenagers look good in these things, and even then, they don’t want their pictures taken!

The only thing that’s worse than skinny jeans are those ridiculous pleather leggings. (Which I spotted yesterday, by the way, in Marshalls’ clearance section. You know a trend is deader than dead when you see it on clearance at Marshalls!) Despite this, everyone from Posh Spice to Rihanna can still be seen flaunting them in front of the paparazzi.

The Twilight craze has spawned a vampire trend that I’m hoping won’t live forever. Everywhere I look, I’m seeing black lipstick, black nail polish, black clothing, black eyes and pale, pale skin. Please, people. Let’s put a stake through that one.

And that ties right in to the bones craze, which I wrote about for this column not long ago. Since then, I’ve noticed bones appearing on the clothing of more and more wanna-be fashionistas (not to mention fashionistos) around town and all I can say is, Puh-leeze. Trust me, you’ll have decades to rock the skeleton look. Why start now, when you still have a choice in the matter?

One trend I fell hard for this season was tights in primary colors. Every time they come back into fashion, I find myself buying several pairs, only to have them clutter up my drawers for years afterward. Fortunately, I didn’t fall for the stirrup version offered this time around. Unfortunately, the only comment I received after wearing a pair of bright purple ones this fall was, “You look like an elf,” from my husband.

“Elf Lindsay reporting for duty, Santa!”

Not exactly what I was going for.

Men weren’t exempt from fashion faux pas this season either, particularly those boho types in East Nashville. Apparently, there was a group meeting on that side of town in which fedoras were handed out to all the menfolk so that they could identify each other in case of emergency. Seriously. Did I miss the fedora manifesto on your listserv, East Nashville? Well, I’ve got news for you. Kevin Federline just called and HE WANTS HIS LOOK BACK.

And finally, the shoes. What is with the shoes? I have yet to see anyone look good in the fussy granny booties passing for kicks this season. Everything I see looks like it came from some community theater costume closet, and I’m betting they’ll all be on the deeply discounted back racks faster than you can say "Payless."

Now don’t leave me hanging like some sort of style-slinging sad sack. I want to know which looks you loathed this season. Was it just me, or were there more than usual duds to choose from?

Here’s hoping to better fashion in 2009!