Beauty, Uncensored: The Five-Dollar Fashionista

Truthfully, I feel guilty sometimes as a beauty correspondent in these troubled times.

I mean, here I am dancing my way through Zumba class, getting a $100 haircut and wearing my Snuggie to lunch, while all around me, Americans are being forced to give up their personal trainers and ditch Netflix.

Well, it is time to get real, people. Frugal is what’s fashionable these days, and I’m nothing if not fashionable. With that said, I have opted to abandon my beloved Sephora in favor of a shop that makes far more sense in this economic climate…

Dollar Tree.

Let it be known right now that I am no stranger to the Tree. As everyone in Bellevue knows, it is the go-to place for mylar balloons, pregnancy tests, birthday cards, holiday decorations, sodas, snack food, gift wrap, serving platters, party supplies, laundry baskets, coloring books, kitchen utensils, and school supplies. I’ve bought lotion and bath gel at Dollar Tree, too, not to mention shampoo and conditioner for the kids.

In fact, there is only one aisle at the Tree that I had never braved until recently…

The makeup aisle.

It’s not that I’m ashamed to buy my makeup at Dollar Tree. It’s that the chain carries makeup brands I’ve never heard of before, with colors that can’t be found in nature.

However, I had to wonder:  Was my $28-dollar M.A.C. Studiofix powder really superior to a $1 dollar vial of L.A. Colors foundation in tan (the only color Dollar Tree carried), or was I being taken for one very expensive ride?

In this time of financial stress, it was imperative that I find out.

With a determined gleam in my eye, I embarked on a veritable shopping spree in the Dollar Tree’s admittedly sparse makeup section, buying enough products to give myself a luxurious $5 dollar makeover.

If I was successful, fame was certainly in my future. I would become known as the Five-Dollar Fashionista, hopscotching across the country to make appearances on “The Today Show” and “Inside Edition,” sharing my secrets in the pages of Vogue and Elle, launching my own makeup line with a party that would be covered by Perez Hilton.

I returned home in a frenzy of excitement and spread the tools of my future trade out on my bathroom counter.

Huh.

This was certainly going to be a challenge.

I opened the tan foundation and began spreading it across my face. Within seconds, I appeared to have the healthy glow of a young socialite just back from the Riviera. Or perhaps an Oompa Loompa, about to make a batch of lollipops. It was debatable.

I turned my attention to my eyes. The Dollar Tree didn’t have a lot to offer in that department — I had found a creamy purple eyeshadow and a lip pencil in brown. I spread the purple shadow across my lids and lined my eyes in lip pencil. I paused again to assess my progress.

Hrmm.

Next, I went to work on my lips, first lining them in a burgundy lip pencil and then turning to a palette of glossy goo. I dabbed some onto my lips with a tiny brush and then blended. The result was … interesting.

Finally, I brushed an icy pink blush across my cheeks. With that, the transformation was complete. I took a deep, ragged breath and turned to my full-length mirror.

I stared at myself for a long, long time. Tears sprang to my eyes. I was the Five Dollar Fashionista, and I represented a radical new form of beauty. My face was my palette, and if it took people a while to get used to it, well, the same could be said for the great works of Van Gogh. And Picasso. And Bobby Trendy.

Ladies and Ladies, I present to you … my $5 masterpiece.

Although next time, I might try Big Lots.