The Company You Keep

I’m fortunate to have been raised by a very close, thoughtful family. The “I love you”s and “great job”s flowed from the lips of adults in my life like rivers. Lord knows every little accomplishment I achieved was recorded, lauded, and recounted at family meals; it made me feel like I could tackle anything.

The same is true today. I have an incredibly kind and encouraging foundation comprised of my husband, family, friends, bosses (past and current), and mentors. The power of their kind gestures and encouragement is immeasurable; it has made me the confident, positive person I am today, and I experience that positive power nearly every day.

Do you?

If you almost said “yes,” then thought “not really,” and then quickly started defending the intentions of negative folks in your life, I encourage you to begin seeking out and surrounding yourself with kind and encouraging people.

A firm, supportive foundation is vital as it gives you the confidence to accomplish more than you ever thought possible, trust me! Since a handful of these folks will love you no matter what, you can take smart risks because you won’t be afraid to fail; you’ll always have someone to jump up and down with when exciting things happen or to help pick you up when crappy things occur. You can even learn by their examples how to be a better friend, mentor, and spouse.

These are, of course, just a few reasons to surround yourself with a positive posse. I’m sure you can think of many more.

To be clear, cutting out the negative, abusive folks in your life is hard to do, and it takes time, but I promise you will not regret it. Folks who surround themselves with positive people are, in turn, typically pretty confident folks. And confident people are generally more successful in school and the workplace, and are more socially accepted as well. They even eat healthier. Just read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success (Little, Brown and Company) if you need more proof.

I hinted about this concept several months ago in a Her Nashville column called “Spread Your News.” I wrote that column so you’d have some handy tools at your disposal to create a “self-sales kit.” The feedback I received was astounding. Many of you seemed to be thankful not for the tools, but for the reminder that you’re real contributors who deserve recognition. Well, of course you are! And it pains me that you didn’t know it.
We all need people in our lives who remind us of how smart, talented, and worthy we are.  Sometimes, when we’re down, we simply can’t see the true value of our gifts, how lucky we are, the possible purpose of our current struggles, or just that we’re worth investing time and conversation in.

A sincere pep talk from a colleague, friend, or family member doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days or moments of despair. But life’s challenges won’t break your spirit because, with help, you’ll keep them in perspective. It’s how people rebuild a home after a flood. It’s how someone can leave everything and everyone she knows to move across the country. It’s how people defeat cancer and live life to the fullest despite a terminal illness. And it’s how folks find valuable lessons in tragedy and, eventually, peace out of grief.

Start today. Take inventory of the company you keep. If they aren’t building you up, encouraging you to shine, offering constructive criticism, and celebrating your wins, no matter how small, it’s time to balance out your dance card with folks who do. Your mind, body, spirit, marriage, and career path will be ever so grateful.