Her Humor

File this under "some people are insane." (Not to mention dangerous and totally irresponsible.)

According to CNN, dyeing dogs is the latest trend in Chinese pet fashion. And they're not just talking pink poodles (though one poodle in the story was sporting a dyed-on bikini); the chicest Chinese canines are being dyed to resemble other animals entirely. Like tigers. And bears. And ... Ninja Turtles? 

Oh my.

You don't want to wish away their childhoods. You don't want them to grow up too fast. But show me a mother who hasn't eagerly anticipated the day when her children achieve a degree of self-sufficiency, and I'll show you a woman who sneaks Cocoa Puffs under her organic bedspread.

My boys got up this morning. Got dressed. And made themselves breakfast.

So quietly. Like little mice.

Little sugar hoarding, ice cream cone eating, mice.

Since my boys were old enough to blink, they've been Krogering, and our house has the stickers to prove it. If I took all the hours I've spent prying "I've Been Krogering" stickers off the walls and windows and out of the washing machine, I could have gone ten kinds of Barbara Kingsolver, farmed my own land, and bypassed the grocery store all together.

Instead I've turned into Faye Dunaway in Mommy Dearest. 

What are Kroger stickers doing in this house when I told you no Kroger stickers?NO KROGER STICKERS EVER!

I have no words for this Daily Mail story about a man whose dog chewed off his infected toe after the man passed out drunk on margaritas.

Wait. Yes. Yes I do. I have words.

GROSS. FOUL. REVOLTING. BARF. GAG. And eeeeew, for starters.

"I hate to be so judgmental, but if you write "gawd" instead of "God," I think you might be awful."

"Oh, and if you write "goddess" instead of "God." One word for you: no."

We have an Aldi just around the corner from our house. The selection isn't great--but on staples you can save a ton. I draw the line, however, when it comes to their feminine hygiene products. Something about the name just doesn't appeal to me:

JAFEENA!

Hmm?

Can't you just picture the group of suits coming up with that?

"Errr, ahem. So! This morning, gentlemen, we need to come up with a name for our (cough) feminine hygiene products (cough) line. We need something feminine. Something errr soft ... that uh women will relate to."

When something makes me angry, you know what I like to do? I like to talk about it. I like to talk about it to anyone who will listen so that WE CAN ALL BE OUTRAGED TOGETHER.

So, hi there! Meet my new friend, JALISKA.

Jaliska recently posted this comment on this CNN blog post about stiffing waiters for bad service.

In case you haven't come across this scam, it's something we women all need to be aware of. Regardless of where you fall on the whole healthcare debate, I think we can all agree that this kind of fraudulence has GOT to stop.

There is a house for sale at the end of our street. A modest cream colored cottage with pale green trim. For several weeks it sat with just the For Sale sign in the front yard, but then another sign appeared beside it.

It said, I’M BEAUTIFUL INSIDE.

I pictured the house consulting with a new-age therapist.

“I’m not selling. People don't think I'm beautiful.”

“But you are beautiful! You are a bungalow of the universe.”

“But what about curb appeal?”

I'm a sucker for photo editing.