Her Humor

Yes, I drive a big white mini-van. And yes, I have two sons who play soccer. And yes, this year, my husband will be their team’s coach, replete with clipboard and whistle.

But I am not a “SOCCER MOM.”

Our three year old woke up grumpy and mean.

He didn’t WANT to go to school.

He didn’t WANT peanut butter toast.

He didn’t WANT to put on shoes.

Or brush his teeth.

Or wear a coat.

My husband tried to distract him with talk of his preschool’s Letter of the Week.

--Patrick, what starts with the letter N?

--NOTHING.

--Very good! Can you tell me what else starts with the letter N?

--NO.

My five year old got a magic set from his grandparents for Christmas. It came with a plastic wand and a deck of cards and a bunch of colorful scarves that beget more colorful scarves--all the standard fare.

It also came with an instructional DVD in which wholesome smiling children demonstrate step by step how to properly perform each trick. My son refuses to watch the DVD, on the grounds that it’s more fun to “make your own magic.”

While I admire his free-spirited approach, I have to tell you, his spells are really terrible.

Dear Chic Geek,

Thank you for bringing the Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit to my attention. It so happens I’ve arrived late to this viral party, and this was my first viewing of the Snuggle Suit and all its splendor.

You silly supermodely little thing, you! Haven’t you heard? Only ugly women are allowed to experience pain-free natural childbirth. When you have perfect teeth and legs that go up to your eyeballs, it’s supposed to HURT when a baby comes screaming out from between them. Mkay? 

I grew up in New England. I have seen my fair share of snow. The elementary school I attended backed up to a steep double sledding hill that transformed morning recess into a winter wonderland of flying saucers, snow tubes, and colorful plastic toboggans. We wore Moon Boots, snow suits, and Freezy Freakies gloves that changed colors in the cold. We were experts at snow—or snexperts, if you will. We were prepared. 

I've seen it more than once in my marketing career (twice as a matter of fact). The eager young college student submits his or her resume, seeking "a career in pubic relations." It's an easy mistake (I guess?), but you have to wonder ... did these people proofread?

With more than 37,000 followers on Twitter, Matthew Inman, writer, illustrator, web designer and programmer of theoatmeal.com, is taking the web by storm one hilarious (and instructive!) cartoon at a time. Read The 9 Types of Crappy Handshake and weep with laughter. (Or discover what you've been doing wrong AND TAKE STEPS TO FIX IT IMMEDIATELY.)
 
 
 

For years, I’ve avoided the YMCA fitness center. I use the pool with the kids all summer and take the occasional spin class, but for the most part, I’m a runner. I run outside. It’s WHO I AM. Unless it’s 17 degrees and snowing in Nashville. Then who I am is a woman clinging to her glass of Chianti and a large brick of Vermont white cheddar.